If I'm still weighed down with subtlties

then I'll just come right out and say it,
that I think that I deserve him, more than anyone deserves anything.

I just don't see why I'm wrong here. I bet my lungs that if the tables were turned things would be different. And I wondered something today. People say love and then do opposite thing. So if I 'do' love, must I say love? I think the word is being ruined and turned into some sort of status. I think I may very well love Andrew but why say it if I show it? Too many thoughts for a non sober mind. I just think this is silly.

contemplate.

things I want (that may or may not be destructive):


I want to cry.
I know I know, that seems so weird and crazy but I enjoy catharsis. I love the exaltation of emotion. This want stirs wild thoughts in my head. I just wont think anymore.

I want to get dressed up and go out.
Providence, when will we meet?
:/ just make plans ok?

I want to be a better friend. There comes a point where the destructive thoughts are also damaging.

I want to work somewhere else.
Thank you jewish community for providing work, but my dillegence might be better served anywhere else.

I want more time.
I never have any. I want more. I need more.

I want to sing again.
I have so much to write about. I've got a song in my head. Just wait.

I want a reason to keep up.
That, one must find in ones self.

lastly, I want to smile more.
I'm getting dim.
Change my bulb?



<3

can't sleep.

so, I think I'll just make arguments for survey questions.

Are you cheating on someone right now?
I couldn't cheat, I am no good at lying. Also, morality and karma stop me dead in my tracks. But honestly, right now, if I was doing any cheating it would be at thumb wars by starting them haphazardly and then stopping as soon as Andrew begins to win.

Did you have sex today?
Why no, I did not.

What are you wearing right now?
These clearance panties from the mall and uh, yeah.
Im telling you, I need an A.C.

What do you want right now?
Easy, I want my boyfriend here and smiling. I want the girl who sold him that lemon to feel really bad and give him at least halfsies and I want a pony. Thanks.

What were you doing eight o'clock this morning?
Telling myself "JUST ONE MORE HOUR THEN YOU'VE GOTTA GET UP!"

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I want something meaningful. But here's my hang up; bodies are temporary, with all the cuts and scrapes we put on them, not to mention the wear and tear, why pay money to damage it further only to leave it behind in death? I just think it's a novelty.

What's your mood?
I just want to hear sweet slow music. Sufjan, where are you on this shuffle? Relient K, I love you in the summer but autumn is coming, can't you smell it? Time for things to get sleepy.


Did you enjoy your weekend?

It was lovely. No stress, just a lovely boyfriend working out the knots in my back and smiling like a 5 year old at the beach. Fuck my weekend, my life is enjoyable.

Do you regret doing something today?
Apparently suggesting something logical and beneficial is wrong. Im not being sarcastic when I say this, but I thought things woulndn't be so petty. I keep getting proved wrong.

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
I'm keeping my mouth shut, there are bigger things.

Who is the last person you told a secret to?
Andrew, deffinately.

What's irritating you right now?
The foibles.

Are you going to be home alone tonight?
Well, tonight as in wednesday night will be me in a bed, sleeping besides a lovely human being. But last night, tuesday night, I slept alone.

Who else is in the room with you?
Ghosts.

In winter,wouldyou rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Depends, but Im loving this turquoise hoodie that andrew copped me.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
I could be anywhere and hold your hand.

How long can you go without your mobile phone?
I would like to crush this thing.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Sewing projects, class, smiling.

Ever kissed someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend?
No way, I am not any good at the whole OH HEY LETS BE SHITTY AND RUIN OTHER PEOPLES HAPPINESS. Simply, for the golden rules' sake, I keep it friendly.

What is one place you would love to visit?
Italy, but only once and to stay. I want to raise my children somewhere lovely and out of the U.S.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Ha, once again, only wearing panties.

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
Audible please.

Next vacation you're going on?
Andrew, lets go apple picking.
Mark, lets go somewhere "Boston"
Amy, lets be creepers and uh boywatch? EYE SPY SKINNY JEANS?


Do you like scary movies?
I like it bloody.

Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
Depends on the people and the weather.

Last thing you bought?
Dinner for me and some ladies.

Plans for tonight?
Heavy sleeping.


Who did you last speak to on the phone?
Honestly, it's been a long time since I've spoken with someone for at least an hour and lost track of time. Tonight, I broke the spell. Andrew, thanks for being interesting for a consecutive 60 minutes :)

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Shotgun Wedding.


When is the last time you swam?
I cannot even tell you. WAIT! Revere beach, Aunyx and Ashley.

How do you make headaches go away?
Cold tiles, apply head.

What is the next vehicle you are going to buy?
I need a new hog. Wellesley did not make it.

What movie are you waiting to see in theaters?
QUARENTINE!

What is your favorite drink?
Ginger Beer.

How often do you say the F word?
Hi, pirate here.

Where will you be 2 hours from now?
Certainly Slumbering.

Have you ever passed out?
Not from drugs, thanks.

When is the last time you saw number 1 on your top friends?
I do not have one of those. But I only saw people I liked this weekend, if that counts.

Have you ever wanted to be a firefighter?
Only when I don't know how to fight the flames I create.

What are you stresed out about?
The cash flow.


Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
I think? That's just sad.

When did you last cry?
This weekend when Andrews car blasted me.

If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
Hell no, think about that for a second?

When is the last time you were in a photobooth taking pictures with friend?
HAHAHAHAH I MISS YOU LINDSEY!

Do you have any gay guy friends?
I want a george kostanza.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Skeet.

Do you love someone in your friends list?
All of them.

Do you wave when you see people you know?
And when they don't see me, I play with some loose hair and act all nonchalant.

Who's the last person you had a sleepover with?
Victoria, for like ever.

Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
It's normal. Sometimes, you just do not have time for LONG CONVERSATION LISA.

Do you secretly like someone?
Oh it's so secret. I don't even remember sometimes.


Who was the last person you cried in frontof?
Andrew. Man, is he in every answer or what?


What is your favorite color?
Seafoam Green.

What level English are you in?
500, yeah beeitch don't fuck with my shakespeare skills.

CD player or iPod?
Cassette Player, Colin :(

Do you wear jeans to relax at home?
More like comfy pjays.

Do you ever say "yo, hoe!"?
Only when I feel exceptionally homo.

If you had a pet penguin,what would you name it?
Pablo, cause Ariana Push is kind of my only penguin loving friend.

Are you happy right now?
Come up with a better word and I may bite.

Who were you with at 7 last night?
Bel and Bic.

When is your birthday?
December 26 1989, ask me about the 90's


Do you dance?
Like, a maniac.

Is there any food that you are craving right now?
More water.

Is there someone you want to fight?
I'm not so tough.

How often do you get a new comment on Myspace?
Errr day.

Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past month?
hehehehe, :*

Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
Andrew sits on my bed and sometimes wraps himself in my fitted sheet and lays against my bare mattress like a small child. It's too cute so I don't do anything other than take pictures....kidding.

Do you ever buy the same clothes in different colors?
If I'm being cool.

What was the highlight of your week?
This.

Have you ever been to North Dakota?
No one has. It does not exist.




Thanks for reading :)

land lines.

It's a good thing I backed off of that road.
I asked for perspective, and it untied my hands.

My name is Tati-Ana, I am 18 and 3/4.

Hello tuesday. This will be a bunch of scattered thoughts.

1. kevin devine, when will you be around?
2. I like the arrangment I have made.
3. someone should go night walking with me, the citayyy is prettayyy.

I saw the leaves change today.
I sat and watched one change.
You don't know, you were not there.

I think this could be a big deal.
I have never felt this content with another human being.
Every frown is on my to do list to change.
Every heart beat is another second I have.
I don't know where this is going and that is ALRIGHT.
for the first time, its all right there.

thank you fairy godmother.
and thank you autumn, proof that there is beauty in the breakdown.

sunshine

coming through my window, I lay flat on my stomach and smile.

today is the 21st of september.
today is sunday.
today is the beginning of another week.
today I'm seeing Drew & today is sweet.

I don't worry about him and I being weird or awkward.
we just go with the flow and laugh like idiots all night.
we're not perfect, but we've got bright smiles and sweet little quips and quirks.

ha, its to the point where I think of ways we could have met before we did.
we could have had the ball rolling.
but maybe this is perfect timing.
you've gotta get rained on before you can enjoy the sunshine.

I just remembered this posts to facebook but I don't really care.
it's all true, the kids' impressive.


well, I'm off to sew my pants and enjoy the good fortune I've got.
<3

colbs and nelo are sleeping.

so I'm blasting brand new and writing.

I can't believe 3 months ago I asked the same question.
well are you?
my neck has hickies on it.
how primitive.
lolololololiked it.
I wish you could do all of the ingredients to make a hickie but didnt get the product of discoloration.
thanks!
Drew, oh he's such a cute kid.
this has all the potential of easy on it.
hahahaha autumn boy.
<3;) youre cute kiddo.

can I say that I am actually very poor.
like, so poor.
I don't like to think about it.
its saddening.
I want to not be.
not thinking about it.

I got my halloween costume today.
I'm a cop.
lol.
shush.
I thought it would be neat.
oh it fits just right, hello darlin.

I can't wait for tonight! Drew and I are making mustaches for the party :)
cutethingsss.

well, I am most certainly done gushing.
three cheers for men who know what they want and kiss you like magic.

lightness.

you have to find it.
as much as this SUCKS, I have learned that these things happen.
boys come and go.
but I thought he was different.
I really thought this was going to be amazing
FOR REAL this time.
FOR REAL.
hahahaha, this is what I get.
no more expectations.
no more hearts.
I'm closing this door.




more importantly, someones got some dates.
chyeah.
I shouldn't revel.
I say it like im som ugly barnyard bitch who don't get shit.
nigga, I'm steady.
so, I guess lifes pretty fucking good.
good people, good everything.
it would be neat if we got some wine tonight.
like for real.
I would like that very much.
I just wanna sip and dish about anything and everything.
:)hahahahaha things are never that bad.