usually I come up with the title first.

hey.
so, I'm supposed to be cleaning and all of that jazz but goodness it's so boring.
I'm making jello! I'm really excited, it's lemon flavored.

erm.
last night was the best night ever.
andrew, me, soup, hummas, laughing, stupid!
I miss him.
he was so nice last night that I can't believe those holes came from him.
it's like hulk weirdness.
I miss him.


ha, I must mean it, I just said it twice and didn't even know.

it's pretty outside but I've been inside, eating soup and cleaning but not really cleaning but YES I AM CLEANING, but not really.

I really want to start eating organic.
I want to eat from local farmers.
It's sick what's in our food and how everything is from corn.
Idunno, doesnt corn just sit in side of you or get pooped?
whatever.

my hands are dry from chemicals, I want a puppy and you can too!

random shit.
I just wanted to talk.
I think the government is getting kinda crazy.
I didn't vote for obama.
Ron Paul, would be the better man but I don't think theyd let him live long enough to insight change.
congress needs to wake up and get it right.

hahaha, hope and change huh?
it sucks to be white and feel like me, everyone is so quick to scream "RACIST!"


oh, I'm sorry that the opposite of right is a black man.
I think it's all really ironic and sick and enough.

I feel like they win because when I think about my whole life, I become upset and can't I do not believe that 9/11 was done by al quida, we're too powerful for that, there's no way that this happened and we didn't have anyhting to do with it.
Or rather they, them.

andrew doesnt like it when I talk like this, but hitler burned down the reichstag so I mean why couldnt we fly a plane and plant bombs to ruin the twin towers?

it could happen.

I'm going to make the jello now although I don't think thats very organic.
booo.

we're here.

I laid my eyes on you, your little stupid smile, my nervous primping.
HEY! REMEMBER DISNEY SCENE IT?!
I had played earlier...alone, so I knew all of the answers.
whispering; hey remember our first kiss? you leaned in, I leaned in, magic.
I scooped up your hand only minutes earlier, and I thought HE COULD BE A FUCKING HAND MODEL.
but I didn't want to say, so I smiled.
so many emotions transcribed in smiles.
I could have spoke forever if you'd just read my grin.
whispering some more; he remember when your car was towed and we laid together for the first time?
you've always been warmer than me, and longer.
your arms holding me so tight, I could feel your heart beating against mine and it sounded like, drums.
months after, I'd do anything to tussle your curls at the end of the night when your eyes we're wide with excitement and all you did was laugh and grab me so I'd be closer to you.




you used to sing to me.

you used to get so excited to see me.

we used to be happy, right?




now I just hope we don't fight or that I don't tune you out by accident.

the holes in my wall make me sad, this is a permanent reminder that this caught fire.

there's no sweeping it under the bed or deleting necessary nor possible.

the proof will be there long after the new non matching paint dries.




I miss my blog. I miss my possum. I miss days where you'd text me all day because you missed me. I just, miss.




bright eyes, sleep, fidgeting with myself.