do more than your share, then who cares?
I'm living by that.
thanks.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
:/
a short poem.
you used to be a kite
now you're a brick under a house
the easy ways
the easy days
have all blown right out
so mister kite, I see your plight
but why become a brick?
the weight must hurt
the taste of dirt
must make you sick
Id give anything to see the wind
pick you up and make you light
but to fly again
you can't be so burdened
you've got to be a kite.
you used to be a kite
now you're a brick under a house
the easy ways
the easy days
have all blown right out
so mister kite, I see your plight
but why become a brick?
the weight must hurt
the taste of dirt
must make you sick
Id give anything to see the wind
pick you up and make you light
but to fly again
you can't be so burdened
you've got to be a kite.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Another Survey NO SUBSTANCE!
Say your last old flame runs up to you and hugs you, what do you do?
I'm not so sure I'd know what to do. I mean, I thought I had found someone who was too much like me to ever break me down. Annnnnnnd I was wrong, to the max. So, if Tim ever came up and hugged me, I'd be frozen with confusion but I'm sure I'd push him off with some sort of horrible string of words to save face. What a terrible question to begin with, shame on you survey.
Last person who texted you?
It was Belinda, telling me that she had no money because I wanted to go to The Garment District. I still wanna go, maybe tonight?
Last time you fell?
The other day when I was talking to Belinda about bills.
How do you pronounce your name?
Tah TEA AHH NUH, maybe if my mother had spelled it like that so many people would get it right.
Who was the last person you hung out with?
Andrew slept over last night and this morning we pretended he was a very old man with a need for Cialis and had achy joints. I love him more than anyone could ever know.
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Andrew Possumface.
If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
Im not sure, children are a handful.
Is there someone you know you should hate but you can't?
hate is a strong word, I know some people that do not deserve my respect.
Do you wear eyeliner?
Some days, I feel like it's just not so cool to be made up. Some days.
Do you write notes on your hand?
I really try not to. Your skin breathes people, it's your largest organ, you wouldnt write on your liver!
Do you have a best friend?
I could start a fight and win.
State three things you'd like to say to people:
1. I wish I would have said no.
2. I hope you get everything you work for.
3. Pray for me?
How many pillows do you sleep with?
3.
If you're being extremely quiet, what does that mean?
I'm either sad or a mixture of emotions that might provoke me to start some shit.
Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
PLEASE, I have done so much realizing these past few weeks that allow me to see how much of a wonderful woman I am to my lovers and my friends. So, when you're sorry, and one day you will be, I wish you all the best. And hope that you drop softly and it don't end too badly, and your raging head can finally rest. You can be honest and rescue yourself, but I'll walk my own road. I'll go where you won't go, you won't put me through hell.Cause now I see through you, believe what you need to. Go haunt someone else.
Have you ever had a thumb war?
I'd like to state now that I cheat at all thumb wars and that if I win I must have cheated or used some sleight of hand trick.
Do you care what people think about you?
Only when they're wrong.
Do you think you are a good person?
could be better.
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
oh of course!
What's your favorite thing about Sundays?
LAZY SUN IN MY WINDOW :)
What are you wearing on your feet?
not a thing, which reminds me that I wanna get some slippers.
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
SI!
If you were AT a reasonable age, would you prefer a baby boy or girl?
a little girl with high confidence and a pretty face.
Where was the FIRST TIME you ever saw the person you like at the moment?
Walking down the street in a sweet manner.
Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
Oh, let it be.
Do long distance relationships work?
Everyone ends up cheating. It's been proven. Long Distance just means that your heart breaks at a faster rate and that your morals shake off quicker.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
I'm sure of it.
Who's the funniest person you know?
this nigga rob.
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
HAHAHAHAAHAH no way!
I'm not so sure I'd know what to do. I mean, I thought I had found someone who was too much like me to ever break me down. Annnnnnnd I was wrong, to the max. So, if Tim ever came up and hugged me, I'd be frozen with confusion but I'm sure I'd push him off with some sort of horrible string of words to save face. What a terrible question to begin with, shame on you survey.
Last perso
It was Belinda, telling me that she had no money because I wanted to go to The Garment District. I still wanna go, maybe tonight?
Last time you fell?
The other day when I was talking to Belinda about bills.
How do you prono
Tah TEA AHH NUH, maybe if my mother had spelled it like that so many people would get it right.
Who was the last perso
Andrew slept over last night and this morning we pretended he was a very old man with a need for Cialis and had achy joints. I love him more than anyone could ever know.
Who was the last perso
Andrew Possumface.
If you found
Im not sure, children are a handful.
Is there
hate is a strong word, I know some people that do not deserve my respect.
Do you wear eyeli
Some days, I feel like it's just not so cool to be made up. Some days.
Do you write
I really try not to. Your skin breathes people, it's your largest organ, you wouldnt write on your liver!
Do you have a best frien
I could start a fight and win.
State
1. I wish I would have said no.
2. I hope you get everything you work for.
3. Pray for me?
How many pillo
3.
If you're being
I'm either sad or a mixture of emotions that might provoke me to start some shit.
Do you think
PLEASE, I have done so much realizing these past few weeks that allow me to see how much of a wonderful woman I am to my lovers and my friends. So,
Have you ever had a thumb
I'd like to state now that I cheat at all thumb wars and that if I win I must have cheated or used some sleight of hand trick.
Do you care what peopl
Only when they're wrong.
Do you think
could be better.
Is there
oh of course!
What'
LAZY SUN IN MY WINDOW :)
What are you weari
not a thing, which reminds me that I wanna get some slippers.
Have you ever had a reall
SI!
If you were AT a reaso
a little girl with high confidence and a pretty face.
Where
Walking down the street in a sweet manner.
Is there
Oh, let it be.
Do long dista
Everyone ends up cheating. It's been proven. Long Distance just means that your heart breaks at a faster rate and that your morals shake off quicker.
Do you think
I'm sure of it.
Who's the funni
this nigga rob.
Could
HAHAHAHAAHAH no way!
| |
Friday, October 17, 2008
don't look back, don't look back
I'm proud to say, made it through my first night alone. Thank you, thank you.
hhahahaahahahah, It's so hard to fall asleep alone now. I had to do a million different things in order to tucker myself out. Activities included:
Porn.
Walking with luke to Bank of America & back.
Walking back to Tedeshi's to get a BCP and then back home.
More Porn.
Fighting with Penelope.
Calling my mother.
Painting my toes.
Painting my nails.
Taking a bubble bath.
Making a new playlist.
Downloading Padriac My Prince ALL NIGHT.
Finally my eyes got heavy and I took myself to sleep. Then I got woken up by jack hammers and this burst of light shining in through my window.
I know, that Andrew has a life, and responsibilities. I have recently become so needy it's disgusting. I love the kid but I need to give him more space or you know, give myself some. Although, last night sucked to the max, I guess I could handle a night off if I knew it was coming. but then that's not very fair. I think I'm going to help pay for the tickets he gets, he only gets them because he wants to see me. And thats beautiful, in a horribly financial way.
So, I also need to get the fucking mail box open or something. Or I will be forever fucked. REDIC. I need to get stuff done.
<3ha, take it easy.
hhahahaahahahah, It's so hard to fall asleep alone now. I had to do a million different things in order to tucker myself out. Activities included:
Porn.
Walking with luke to Bank of America & back.
Walking back to Tedeshi's to get a BCP and then back home.
More Porn.
Fighting with Penelope.
Calling my mother.
Painting my toes.
Painting my nails.
Taking a bubble bath.
Making a new playlist.
Downloading Padriac My Prince ALL NIGHT.
Finally my eyes got heavy and I took myself to sleep. Then I got woken up by jack hammers and this burst of light shining in through my window.
I know, that Andrew has a life, and responsibilities. I have recently become so needy it's disgusting. I love the kid but I need to give him more space or you know, give myself some. Although, last night sucked to the max, I guess I could handle a night off if I knew it was coming. but then that's not very fair. I think I'm going to help pay for the tickets he gets, he only gets them because he wants to see me. And thats beautiful, in a horribly financial way.
So, I also need to get the fucking mail box open or something. Or I will be forever fucked. REDIC. I need to get stuff done.
<3ha, take it easy.
Monday, October 13, 2008
mitten season!
I swear I'm sleeping less and less.
I wake up and feel around for the space that I used to have. The space that I have lost, and yet I have gained. I gained an entire human being with memories and shortcomings and modern ideas and bright eyes wide with newness.
I was questioned, inside and out, why do you like him, love him, stay?
I've spent about 4 minutes trying to compile an answer.
I like to believe in fairy tales, but I know that what we have isn't like any of those. I love the way his heart beats in between mine. As if we were made to make a melody that only we can hear. I could stay in bed all day with him as clean light pours in through the windows just hoping for a few more minutes that I'm not promised.
I find myself at odds with life and love and even forgiveness. but at this point I think it's pretty accurate to say that I am finally content with the smallest aspect of my life.
Let the big picture figure itself out, I will know in time right?
I wake up and feel around for the space that I used to have. The space that I have lost, and yet I have gained. I gained an entire human being with memories and shortcomings and modern ideas and bright eyes wide with newness.
I was questioned, inside and out, why do you like him, love him, stay?
I've spent about 4 minutes trying to compile an answer.
I like to believe in fairy tales, but I know that what we have isn't like any of those. I love the way his heart beats in between mine. As if we were made to make a melody that only we can hear. I could stay in bed all day with him as clean light pours in through the windows just hoping for a few more minutes that I'm not promised.
I find myself at odds with life and love and even forgiveness. but at this point I think it's pretty accurate to say that I am finally content with the smallest aspect of my life.
Let the big picture figure itself out, I will know in time right?
Saturday, October 11, 2008
some times, sometime.
I sit here, with Peenie, and I laugh.
The entire time Bel wasn't here, I was so mean to her.
I kept leaving her outside and yelling at her. She's just a baby.
A little baby cat that likes to bite at my loose stitches and watch me type out the latest misadventures of my life, that I choose to document anyways.
So, I went for a walk and gooood lord, I have not been active enough.
I can't wait for my bike to get here for me to suddenly spring into action. Walking is free, and so is taking the stairs and playing more.
I miss playing.
It's funny, I went for my walk in my increasingly tight jeans and this new hoodie that I look fabulous in and everywhere I went there were a million guys there, checkin me out. Pfft, where's yo library card girl? mmmhmmm. HAHA.
My friend Eddie kept telling me how beautiful I was and I'm thanking him and laughing the entire time because I don't think I have ever felt this hefty, ever.
Don't get it twisted, I am a thick chick by nature, if I was a milkshake you'd need a spoon baby, not a straw.
But really, I need to get my shit together, walking is a must, no more train home, this is for me.
Then one of Eddies customer called me a beautiful woman. HAHAHAHA a woman, a beautiful woman.
I'm telling you, I know I'm all types of fine but everytime someone calls me beautiful I feel so weird. I'm flattered and completely humble but I still feel weird.
Then I get home after purchasing a pair of these fabulous earrings and a wonderful new house phone that I'm psyched about.
Finally, house calls. COOOOL.
Well, I'm not sure about the rest of the night. Andrews been sick and snippy all day. I wouldn't blame him, I'm crazy as hell. But I do love him enough to spend money on Puffs with lotion tissue and apple juice boxes.
Hopefully I get to meet his best friend tonight and you know, we all are frannnz.
:)<3
The entire time Bel wasn't here, I was so mean to her.
I kept leaving her outside and yelling at her. She's just a baby.
A little baby cat that likes to bite at my loose stitches and watch me type out the latest misadventures of my life, that I choose to document anyways.
So, I went for a walk and gooood lord, I have not been active enough.
I can't wait for my bike to get here for me to suddenly spring into action. Walking is free, and so is taking the stairs and playing more.
I miss playing.
It's funny, I went for my walk in my increasingly tight jeans and this new hoodie that I look fabulous in and everywhere I went there were a million guys there, checkin me out. Pfft, where's yo library card girl? mmmhmmm. HAHA.
My friend Eddie kept telling me how beautiful I was and I'm thanking him and laughing the entire time because I don't think I have ever felt this hefty, ever.
Don't get it twisted, I am a thick chick by nature, if I was a milkshake you'd need a spoon baby, not a straw.
But really, I need to get my shit together, walking is a must, no more train home, this is for me.
Then one of Eddies customer called me a beautiful woman. HAHAHAHA a woman, a beautiful woman.
I'm telling you, I know I'm all types of fine but everytime someone calls me beautiful I feel so weird. I'm flattered and completely humble but I still feel weird.
Then I get home after purchasing a pair of these fabulous earrings and a wonderful new house phone that I'm psyched about.
Finally, house calls. COOOOL.
Well, I'm not sure about the rest of the night. Andrews been sick and snippy all day. I wouldn't blame him, I'm crazy as hell. But I do love him enough to spend money on Puffs with lotion tissue and apple juice boxes.
Hopefully I get to meet his best friend tonight and you know, we all are frannnz.
:)<3
Saturday, October 4, 2008
man oh man.
totally just remembered how it felt to be out with friends.
I miss it.
like I feel as if I don't do enough fraternizing.
no, not true.
I hang out alot.
I think, I just feel like a dick sometimes, a lot.
& I don't feel like writing right now about this topic.
another distraction.
flippin thoughts.
I miss it.
like I feel as if I don't do enough fraternizing.
no, not true.
I hang out alot.
I think, I just feel like a dick sometimes, a lot.
& I don't feel like writing right now about this topic.
another distraction.
flippin thoughts.
Friday, October 3, 2008
it's official.
I have disgusted myself to the max.
I will promptly leave my dignity and pride at the door.
Thanks.
I will promptly leave my dignity and pride at the door.
Thanks.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
If I'm still weighed down with subtlties
then I'll just come right out and say it,
that I think that I deserve him, more than anyone deserves anything.
I just don't see why I'm wrong here. I bet my lungs that if the tables were turned things would be different. And I wondered something today. People say love and then do opposite thing. So if I 'do' love, must I say love? I think the word is being ruined and turned into some sort of status. I think I may very well love Andrew but why say it if I show it? Too many thoughts for a non sober mind. I just think this is silly.
that I think that I deserve him, more than anyone deserves anything.
I just don't see why I'm wrong here. I bet my lungs that if the tables were turned things would be different. And I wondered something today. People say love and then do opposite thing. So if I 'do' love, must I say love? I think the word is being ruined and turned into some sort of status. I think I may very well love Andrew but why say it if I show it? Too many thoughts for a non sober mind. I just think this is silly.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
contemplate.
things I want (that may or may not be destructive):
I want to cry.
I know I know, that seems so weird and crazy but I enjoy catharsis. I love the exaltation of emotion. This want stirs wild thoughts in my head. I just wont think anymore.
I want to get dressed up and go out.
Providence, when will we meet?
:/ just make plans ok?
I want to be a better friend. There comes a point where the destructive thoughts are also damaging.
I want to work somewhere else.
Thank you jewish community for providing work, but my dillegence might be better served anywhere else.
I want more time.
I never have any. I want more. I need more.
I want to sing again.
I have so much to write about. I've got a song in my head. Just wait.
I want a reason to keep up.
That, one must find in ones self.
lastly, I want to smile more.
I'm getting dim.
Change my bulb?
<3
I want to cry.
I know I know, that seems so weird and crazy but I enjoy catharsis. I love the exaltation of emotion. This want stirs wild thoughts in my head. I just wont think anymore.
I want to get dressed up and go out.
Providence, when will we meet?
:/ just make plans ok?
I want to be a better friend. There comes a point where the destructive thoughts are also damaging.
I want to work somewhere else.
Thank you jewish community for providing work, but my dillegence might be better served anywhere else.
I want more time.
I never have any. I want more. I need more.
I want to sing again.
I have so much to write about. I've got a song in my head. Just wait.
I want a reason to keep up.
That, one must find in ones self.
lastly, I want to smile more.
I'm getting dim.
Change my bulb?
<3
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